Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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