I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
