Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
