I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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