I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
