hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
