Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize