Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize