i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
