It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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