After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
