My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
