Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
