a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
