your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
