My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Can I color on your dick again?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
