i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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