Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
