i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
