we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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