I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
