K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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