a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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