Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
