tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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