fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
