It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize