oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
