i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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