Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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