Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
