The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
