if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
