What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
