that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize