I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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