Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
