I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
