He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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