shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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