I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
