I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
