PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
