I wish they made helmets for livers.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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