this beer tastes like vomit already
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
