this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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