Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
