You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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