I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize