Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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