My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
