im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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