I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
