I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
