So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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