fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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