i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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