oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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