May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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