I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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