good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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