The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize