I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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