so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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