I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
