brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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