fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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