I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
