Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
