He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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