dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
