i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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