Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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