I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
