Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
