A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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