I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
