hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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