bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
