walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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