bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
