She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
