I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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