Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
