Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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