ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
