i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
