Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
