It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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