There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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