You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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