Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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